


Cigarette

by itsnotlove



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Accidental Death, M/M, Suicide, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 03:58:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5402210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsnotlove/pseuds/itsnotlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was an accident.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cigarette

Shizuo pulls the cigarette from his lips and smiles at Izaya, a few stray locks of bleached hair tucking themselves behind the lenses of his sunglasses. He brushes them aside haphazardly with his free hand, closing his eyes in the process, then leans backward until his elbows prop him up.

 

“I still remember, y’know, that first time I saw you.” His smile widens before being plugged with the cigarette once more. He inhales, long and deep, until his lungs are tingling. It’s harder to feel that way the longer you smoke, and sometimes Shizuo just needs the harder hit. “It was at Rajin... I dunno if you saw me, I probably looked like some punk who blended in with the rest of “ _your humans_ ,” but I saw you.”

 

“You had this weird look on your face, sorta like the ones those lions get in documentaries when they’re thinkin’ about attacking something but are too lazy to actually do it. It was weird, and it made me _feel_ a bit weird, like I was a rabbit or something.”

 

The cigarette rolls between two of Shizuo’s fingers, slowly burning down without his assistance. He watches the ember spark, glow, and hide with indifference, then takes another drag.

 

“That first time I met you though, you were so fucking annoying. It was like you _knew_ you were hot shit. Actually, yeah, you probably did, huh? Shit, I wanted to cave your fucking face in.” He pauses at that, winces slightly then shootis Izaya an apologetic look. He doesn’t say he’s sorry for the thought, but he doesn’t say he isn’t either.

 

When he starts talking again, it’s hurried, as if he wants to move as far away from the topic of violence as he can.

 

“You were always dancing around, and you made me dance around after you. I’ve never been that… stretchy, Flea, but with all _your_ parkour I couldn’t exactly _not_ learn because that’d mean letting _you_ do whatever you want and we both know that ain’t a good thing.”

 

The cigarette has been forgotten now, three quarters gone and getting dangerously close to where Shizuo’s fingers are loosely holding it. It keeps rolling between them, as if that will somehow make all of this easier or make the cigarette last just a little longer.

 

“You know what pissed me off the most? How fucking _beautiful_ you looked. I could do half the shit you could, but you made it look like fucking _art._ It wasn’t like I wanted to look like that, but it made me wanna chase you more so I could keep watching you. Not that it’s your fault you looked like that, you probably had no idea huh? I betcha just liked doing it, since you always had a smile when you did.”

 

Shizuo turns his head, his own smile becoming sad as he gives Izaya a once over.

 

“I never knew what I’d do if I ever caught you. I sort of…” the cigarette has just about burned down to the stub now, but Shizuo wouldn’t be able to tell you if it was burning his fingers. His face contorted, eyebrows furrowing and nostrils flaring as he takes a deep breath in. He only has until the cigarette is extinguished, and he has to hurry whether he remembers to or not.

 

“I think… I think I always wanted to kiss you.” He laughs, glad that Izaya can’t reply to that confession. His eyes water just a little, but he doesn’t cry or lose himself. No, he breathes- in and out, in and out- chest rising and falling rapidly and without any discernible pattern. “I wanted to hold you a bit, punch you a little sure, but not… not like this.”

 

He pushed himself onto his knees and leans over toward Izaya, pushing the damp hair off his face. It makes his fingers sticky, but he doesn’t really mind at all now. He’s just glad he finally got to feel how soft Izaya’s skin is.

 

“Izaya… I’m-”

 

“Times up, Heiwajima.” A stern voice calls out, signalling that Shizuo’s cigarette was out. He’d asked, begged, and threatened the police in order to have this time to say goodbye, and it hadn’t been nearly enough. It had only been when he promised to come with them quietly afterward that they reluctantly agreed.

 

An hour ago, Shizuo would have been disgusted at the thought of spending any time with a dead body, but now he’d do anything for even a few more seconds.

 

“I’m sorry, Izaya.” He whispers, moving his shaking hand away from the non-responsive brunette, “I didn’t mean to, rea-”.

 

“Heiwajima!”

 

Shizuo looks at the ground, able to feel each and every gun trained on him. He wonders briefly if Kasuka will miss him, but decides to put the thought out of his mind lest it make him hesitate.

 

Leaning forward, he presses a hard but chaste kiss to Izaya’s temple- the first one they’ve ever shared- before rising to his feet. His hands are still covered in blood, as are his clothes, and he looks almost monstrous.

 

The policeman must be able to sense what Shizuo is about to do, and starts yelling at him to reconsider. Shizuo smiles, vision becoming clouded, as he starts to sprint directly at the police. A loud scream, more animal than human, rips from his throat and causes the first shot to fire.

 

Then the second.

 

Then the third.

 

Then the fourth.

 

Then the fifth.

 

Someone is yelling for a cease fire by the time Shizuo hits the ground, but he doesn’t really care. He only wishes he’d been able to fall closer to the large dent he caused earlier, the one where Izaya is lying like a fallen angel in the centre.

 

He closes his eyes slowly, his lips moving in shapes that resemble apologies, but no sound comes out. It’s cold now, but he’s always felt cold so he thinks everything will be fine.

 

As his breathing shudders and slows, he sees Izaya in his Rajin uniform looking down at him, and he feels his heart flutter and grow warm, just before it skips its last beat.

**Author's Note:**

> ...I don't know where this came from. I never write stuff like this! I'm so sorry you had to read it! I'm just hoping that I'm not very good at writing this topic, and it didn't hurt you to read it as much as it hurt me to write it D:


End file.
